I've lived my life solving my own problems. I don't know how to tell others my problem even if i wanted to. I save myself before i fall. I had to be strong every time. But at nights like this i just crumble.

So many things that i knew but i can't tell anyone. Every single secret kills me in the inside. I want to shout it out. Tell someone. But i just can't. Even to those i trust, i just don't know how to put it in words for them to understand.

I feel so fucking alone.

Who? My grandfather. The one man who treats me like a princess. The man who taught me how to cycle but he passed on before i got the hang of it. Whenever i think about him, it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. And when i'm typing this, i'm already drying up my tears.

Every single word in this song, i can closely relate to it. For Avril, her grandfather passed away while she was on tour. But for me, well, i live in Singapore and he stays in Indonesia.

I didn't get around to kiss you, goodbye on the hand. You know in the Muslim culture you kiss the hand of your elder. Yeah i didn't manage to do that.

When i reached the island, i was holding both of my parents hands looking at them wondering why are we here? It's not a festive season or anything.

That's when i got into the house. And i saw him lying there. In a white cloth. Everyone else was praying. (and crying) That was when it registered to my brain. He's gone. My mum sat down and i sat on top of her. I was crying so hard that i wet her scarf. I remember crying a lot. Everytime when i take out the things that he bought me i will just cry. Everytime when i think about him, i'll cry automatically. Then when i heard this song, i will just start to tear. When i'm outside, i'll make sure to skip this song cause it means a lot to me. And i don't wanna look like an idiot and start crying out of no where.

Ok i really just cried while typing this entire post.