Those are some of the lyrics that i came up with. Hope i'll fit this lyrics in some song!

*Inspired by Epik High. Not that i took any of their lyrics but i love how their lyrics are!

First thing first. I got my A levels result for my H1's. Lucky me, i got an A for malay if not i feel like i can't even lift my head up if i get anything below that. Math.... Well... a D. Truth to be told, i was satisfied with it. I mean i've been failing all my life and i finally got a D. I should be happy right? But then, i felt like i repeat the same mistake. I was satisfied with my O levels results but that didn't get me anywhere i wanted to go. So is this the same mistake? Looks like it to me. That's when tears just started to pour out.

I made the same mistake again.

Upon seeing my results, i didn't even know what to feel. You see an A and then you see a D. It's like worlds apart.

Ok, the main thing is, i was upset because i repeat the same mistake.

Now common test....

Le sigh...

I'm extremely happy with my POA but for how long can i maintain? Plus it's just common test. We all know the standard for CT is always easier. I'm scared that i'll get complacent. Then there's history. My all time favorite subject. 2 marks away from my target! Oh and of course, MOB. Total failure on that ya... GP? fail la...

It's my final year, i know i gotta work extra hard but there are times when laziness just takes over me. It's natural right? But i can't help feeling so darn guilty about it afterwards.

I don't know what came over me.

I did things that i promised not to do.

Why Yan? Why?

Still craving for that attention?

You don't stop don't you?

So i held back my tears and suck it up.

I'll show a poker face but deep down, it just hurts so much.

You have no idea how lonely i was. And you'll never know.

I really don't like being at home.

No one will know when i hit rock bottom because not even myself can show that even if i wanted to. I guess 19 years and 5 months of pretending got me fooling myself as well. I cry to let others see and get what i want but never did the real tears fall to show how scarred i am.

I fucked up before. I try to make it better but i feel like it's way too broken that i can't fix it anymore. Now all i do is to stay silent. I don't have the energy to explain my actions to anyone anymore. If i do something, i don't do it just because i want to. It may seem wrong but i just don't want to explain. When you try explaining something, it just gets all complicated and it becomes worst is someone misinterpret it.

So i'd just stop.