No one will know when i hit rock bottom because not even myself can show that even if i wanted to. I guess 19 years and 5 months of pretending got me fooling myself as well. I cry to let others see and get what i want but never did the real tears fall to show how scarred i am.

I fucked up before. I try to make it better but i feel like it's way too broken that i can't fix it anymore. Now all i do is to stay silent. I don't have the energy to explain my actions to anyone anymore. If i do something, i don't do it just because i want to. It may seem wrong but i just don't want to explain. When you try explaining something, it just gets all complicated and it becomes worst is someone misinterpret it.

So i'd just stop.